5 times Lestrade caught John and Sherlock
by DefenderoftheEarth
Summary: and one time they caught him!  Short fics about the kissing encounters and rude interruptions. Features established Sherlock/John, and later will feature Lestrade/to be revealed.  Rated M for mild swearing and some sexy times.
1. The Office

Hey everyone! This is just a little fic thats been in my head for a while now.  
>Sorry Ive been away for so long, I do plan on having new chapters up for Jenny for your Thoughts soon, thanks for all your support and to everyone who had waited patiently, read the sotry and put it on alert it really means a lot.<p>

Thats enough from me now - hope you enjoy this.

**Please Review!**

* * *

><p>All of Scotland Yard knew of course, but because there had been nothing to show the romantic relationship between John and Sherlock aside from the blog post John had made some months ago confirming their relationship, the officers at the Yard no longer dwelled on it. Pools had ended for when their relationship would be revealed and everything was the same as it had been, except now suspicions had been confirmed.<p>

The men never showed their relationship in front of everyone, no one had ever seen them even hold hands, and so when Lestrade walked into his office, tired and unhappy, during a particularly long and difficult case he was extremely surprised to see John perched on the edge of his desk, with Sherlock stood between his legs, and both men caught in a passionate embrace. Lestrade froze, panicked. He didn't want to intrude or make thing uncomfortable between them, seeing as Sherlock had been acting almost human since his relationship with John had begun, however this was his office and they were dealing with a very important case.

The decision of what to do was taken out of his hands when Sherlock withdrew his face from John's, glared over at Lestrade and said, "No one is to know you saw us, we like to keep our relationship private."

"Well to be fair mate, my office isn't exactly the most private place to go about snogging each other's faces off!" Lestrade replied.

"It is one of the few places in London where my actions are not constantly monitored by my brother; your intrusion is nothing in comparison to his all seeing eyes." Sherlock announced with such finality that Lestrade could only nod and look towards and reddening John with a raised eyebrow and a slight roll of his eyes.

Lestrade moved toward his desk, keeping his head down a little, whilst John hopped down and Sherlock adjusted his ruffled clothes.

Seamlessly, as thought the events of the past few minutes had not happened, Sherlock prompted for new information on the case and before long it was although the events of the day really had been forgotten.


	2. The Alley

Sherlock was bloody idiot! And so was John for letting Sherlock drag him around and get him into these situations! What had they been thinking, chasing after a masked gunman, without so much as a bullet proof jacket between them for protection? It was increasingly infuriating that both men had apprehended the troublesome gunman without even a scratch to themselves, and so Lestrade had stormed off while they were catching their breath and grinning at each other like the idiots they are.

He headed towards one of the police cars containing some evidence in an attempt to distract himself from their stupidity and his annoyance, but something in a dark alley caught his attention. From the corner of his eye he could have sworn he'd seen something move. His suspicion there was something happening was confirmed when he heard a muffled cry – or was it a groan? - come from the same direction.

He glanced around, not wanting anyone to follow him, and headed towards the alley. Whatever he had expected to find it was defiantly not the idiots themselves kissing each other senseless pressed up against the wall. John moved his mouth down Sherlock's jaw and proceeded to attach it to his neck, while Sherlock's pale hands with their long fingers stoked down the soft material of John's jumper stopping briefly to stroke at his belt, before diving straight into John's trousers. John groaned into Sherlock's neck and Sherlock tipped his head back, giving John more access to his neck.

Lestrade started to back away, knowing he had already seen far too much, and he may have gotten away with it, had there not been a crisp packet directly where he stood that made what seemed like the loudest noise he had ever heard.

Sherlock's head whipped up, glaring at Lestrade who had frozen. John lowered himself from his toes, he had been standing on the so he was able to reach Sherlock's face and neck, and Sherlock tried to retrieve his hand from John's pants.

"What are you doing?" Sherlock snapped; Lestrade had rarely seen him behave this way, so unrestrained, he felt bad for drawing it out of Sherlock in this way.

"Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I heard a noise down here so I came to investigate, but it was you two." Lestrade tried to explain himself.

"So you thought you'd stick around for the show?" Sherlock was furious and although he had remained quiet so far John didn't look best pleased either.

"Guys, I'm sorry, I'm not going to tell anyone, just calm down Sherlock. I'm going, now, but if you don't want to get arrested for public indecency maybe keep it above the waist next time?" Lestrade was desperately trying to escape, but wanted to come out of this one on top.

"Greg..." John finally spoke up, but was cut off by Sherlock, "Leave Lestrade, and don't say a word."

"I won't you know that." Lestrade promised.

He walked away, fighting to keep a smug grin off his face knowing he had some leverage over Sherlock for when he was next being particularly difficult.


	3. The Car

Wow, thank you all so much for the incredible response this has recieved, I'm really enjoying writing them and can't wait to write some more Sherlock stories!  
>This fic is entirely un'Beta'd and just something I've written for fun and so I apologise if there are any appauling mis spellings etc, but I try my best.<br>Thank you to everyone who had reviewed, favourited, or put this story on alert, they really mean a lot and inspire me to keep going so keep them coming please?

I couldn't decide between T or M rating for this chapter, but have gone with M to be safe. It may get a tad more graphic in the next 2 chapters, but nothing too detailed. The entire story has been bumped up to an M rating because of this chapter and chapters to come!

Thats enough of my rambling now, thanks for all the support!

**Please review!**

* * *

><p>It had been a tense day for Lestrade's team at the Yard, those who knew Lestrade professionally tended to know Sherlock and those who knew Sherlock, by default, knew John. So when the kind doctor had been abducted from the street in broad daylight and Sherlock was furious, but had committed himself to finding John like it was the last thing he would ever do. John was found after 5 hours, which was a uniquely short amount of time for someone in John's circumstance but nonetheless the entire Yard team knew it had been too long, it should not have happened at all and Sherlock just couldn't seem to find enough people to be angry at.<p>

He yelled at John just as soon as he was given the all clear by the medical staff, he yelled at Lestrade the entire time they worked together, he yelled at him brother for not watching John closely enough – even though both John and Sherlock constantly told Mycroft to stop watching them with his all seeing eyes – and he'd yelled at anyone who dared to come within a 3 foot radius of him. Even Mrs Hudson.

So Lestrade had decided to leave Sherlock and John to it, had bundled them into the back of one of Mycroft's cars that seemed to follow Sherlock everywhere, and walked away telling them he would be back in half an hour expecting the domestic to be put on hold at least and for John to be ready to make a statement.

When he returned half an hour later what he did not expect to find Sherlock with his legs wide open and head pressed against the seat, eye squeezed tight shut doing his level best to remain silent, his teeth had a grip on his bottom lip that threatened to break the skin, and John to have his face buried in Sherlock's uncovered lap, and stroking his hands up and down the Detectives thighs.

Lestrade could only gasp out a mumbled "Shit", before twisting away from the door and slamming it tight behind him, he waited nearby though, not willing for the men to get away with this. A muffled shout from the car seemed to mark the end of the act he had just caught Sherlock and John in and 5 minutes later they emerged, looking sheepish and ruffled, with a red tinge to both their faces.

"Look Lestrade-"John was cut off by a glare from Sherlock that could have killed a lesser man at 12 paces.

"What happened was your own fault Lestrade, you shouldn't go snooping about in private cars, nor should you burst in uninvited!" Sherlock spat the words out, becoming more irate than a man who had just received the treatment he had, had any right to be.

"Lad's, what you get up to in your own time is nobody's business but your own, but this is a work environment, and you cannot expect for this kind of behaviour to be accepted, you need to establish boundaries between work and home, even if the two are very merged for the both of you." Lestrade remained calm and collected, but avoided meeting either man's eyes.

"Yeah Greg we're really sorry, it won't happen again, I'm sorry you had to see that." John interrupted whatever cutting remark Sherlock had lined up and instead tried to move the conversation back to the original matter at hand, "are you ready for me to give my statement now?"

Lestrade nodded accepting John's apology, "Alright mate, head on over to Donovan she'll get your statement from you."

John nodded his thanks towards Lestrade and turned to Sherlock, "You coming?" he asked, brushing his thumb along Sherlock's hand in a reassuring manner.

"Yes John, I'll be right behind you." Sherlock dismissed John, clearly he had something he needed to say to Lestrade in private.

"Okay, I'll stay in sight." John reassured Sherlock, knowing the Detective would not be happy about them being separated so soon after the recent ordeal.

John headed towards Donovan, glancing back at Sherlock a few times, before Sherlock glanced at Lestrade.

"Look, what happened... I know we shouldn't... It's just... He was gone..." Sherlock couldn't get the right words out, but he knew Lestrade would understand.

"I know mate, I'm sorry about how tough today has been on you, you just need to work out a few boundaries."

"Yeah, thanks Greg, and thanks for helping find John and helping me, I don't think I could have handled this one alone." Sherlock couldn't meet Lestrade's eyes as he admitted this weakness about himself, but Lestrade was touched.

"No problem, you head back to John now, I'll give you two a few days before I land any cases on you."

"You're sure you can manage a few days without me?" Sherlock cocked and eyebrow and a smirk played around the edges of his mouth.

"Alright, no need to get cocky, do one before I change my mind about arresting you for public indecency!"

Sherlock grinned a quick smile before flitting off to where he could see John standing.

Lestrade shook his head smiling as he watched the man run towards his lover, he really had never seen him so happy as when he was with John.

"Thank you for that, for keeping him in line." A voice issued from behind Lestrade making him start a little, he spun round and caught sight of a tall, aristocratic fellow tapping an umbrella round he feet.

"No problem, do I know you?"

"I doubt it, I'm sure you'll have heard of me through Sherlock, so never in a positive light, I'm Mycroft, his brother."

"Really? Well I suppose it makes sense, he's mentioned you a few times... You don't seem as bad as he makes out."

Mycroft smiled, "Thank you I'm sure, I must be off now but it's been a pleasure Gregory, we must do this again some time."

"Of course." Lestrade replied a little slowly, not sure what Mycroft might be implying.

"Well goodbye, until the next time." With that Mycroft ducked into a black car with the windows completely tinted, which Greg watched until it had completely disappeared from sight.

He shook his head again as he turned around and headed towards the rest of his team, muttering under his breath, "Mental the lot of that Holmes bunch."


	4. The Kitchen Sink

Thank you all for your continued support it really does mean a lot!

Please feel free to drop me a request or a prompt and I'll do my best to deliver for you!

**Please review! It really does encourage me to write more, quicker**!

* * *

><p>It was a small get together at 221B, John had organised it in honour of Sherlock's birthday and the party consisted of Lestrade, Mycroft, Mrs Hudson, John and Sherlock himself. Apparently Molly had been on the original guest list, but John remembered Sherlock had very little tact when it came to being too harsh to Molly.<p>

Mycroft and Lestrade had been having an interesting conversation about the recent cuts in funding to the police force when Mrs Hudson had quietly commented that John and Sherlock, or 'the boys' as she so often referred to them, had been quite some time getting the tea. She then mentioned she had something to be doing downstairs and politely excused herself.

Lestrade and Mycroft dismissed her odd behaviour, and continued their conversation. But when John and Sherlock had failed to return after a further 10 minutes Lestrade decided he should probably check they were okay, knowing Sherlock they could have passed out in the kitchen because of a poisonous gas leak. When Lestrade entered the kitchen he wished he hadn't, as he came across a very naked Sherlock draped over a very naked John, both of whom were gripping onto the edge of the kitchen sink with one hand and covering their mouths in an attempt to remain quite with the other.

Lestrade spun around, facing the entrance to the living room and sighed. "Bloody hell guys, couldn't you have just told us to bugger off?" He edged further towards the living room, hearing both men come with a shout and cringing for the embarrassing situation they were now all in. He was surprised to hear giggling begin behind him, and walked away hoping to come out as unscathed as possible.

Mycroft looked at him as he re entered slightly flustered and said, "My brother was always one for public displays, I'm sorry I didn't try to stop you..."

"Urm no its okay I guess, its the worst I've caught them doing so far, but you can't really blame them in their own home I suppose."

"Thats very kind of you Greg, if you wanted to leave and avoid an uncomfortable situation I would be more than happy to provide them with an explanation for your absence." Mycroft offered sweetly.

"Yeah, thanks." Lestrade flashed Mycroft a quick smile and left the flat as quickly as he could manage.

When Sherlock and John eventually emerged Mycroft was becoming bored and preparing to leave. They entered looking red faced and ruffled, but very satisfied with smug smiles playing around the outskirts of their lips.

"Well I'm glad you're so pleased with yourselves, really couldn't yo have held off for a half an hour?" Mycroft's tone was frustrated but John and Sherlock couldn't bring themselves to care.

"Oh bugger off Mycroft, stop being such a prude!" Sherlock retorted, reaching for Johns hand and leading him towards the sofa.

"I am not being a prude, I am simply reminding you that someone you work very closely with on a regular basis just witnessed you two... well, you know what he saw." Mycroft coughed gently, not as comfortable in this situation as he was trying to make out.

"Greg will be fine Mycroft, please leave." Sherlock dismissed his brother with a flick of his wrist.

"Of course brother dearest, I'll be seeing you soon I'm sure." With that Mycroft exited their flat, John shouted a thank you for coming after him, and then they heard the front door close rather sharply.

John turned to Sherlock and smirked, and the two men were soon in fits of laughter once again.

"John," Sherlock mumbled through his laughter, "we can't giggle, it's a crime scene." And although it wasn't exactly humorous this comment set them into another fit of laughter.


	5. The Morgue

Thank you all so mcuh for your support, I'm so greatful to all my readers, people who put me or this story on alert and/or reviewed, it really means the world to me.

I hope this chapter is okay with you all, I'm not sure about how well it qualifies for this story myself, but at the same time it just seemed to fit for me...

**Please Review! Let me know what you think.**

**Any prompts or requests are equally welcome.**

**Just one chapter left now... Who will John and Sherlock catch Lestrade with? Leave predictions, you've probably all already guessed anyways :P**

**Thanks once again for reading!**

* * *

><p>Lestrade didn't have a clue what was going on, he often felt this way around Sherlock but today he felt more baffled than ever before. An innocent enough case had taken a difficult turn and come to a halt, the Yard was going to need a little assistance from Sherlock. Lestrade, Sherlock and John had been gathered round a body, Sherlock had needed to examine it for one reason or another and Lestrade had learned quite some time ago that it was usually quicker and better for ones ego to not question Sherlock's demands.<p>

John had been watching, when suddenly he had grabbed at Sherlock's arm, tugging on the sleeve of that ridiculously flamboyant coat, and spun him around. Sherlock looked slightly annoyed, but could never seem to be fully annoyed at John, so had given him an expectant look and let out a small sigh. John looked deep into Sherlock's grey eyes for a few more seconds, before whispering "yes," and stroking his steady hands through Sherlock's wild curls. Lestrade didn't quite understand the significance of the moment, and had been about to ask what was going on, but instead Sherlock had jerked his head to lean it against John's and begun a sweet, gentle kiss. By this time Lestrade figured they were moving one of their 'moments' for whatever reason this time and left them be for a while.

However, they were still dealing with a case and Lestrade had given them 20 minutes to pull themselves together and for Sherlock to have gathered more clues. So upon opening the door he was shocked to be confronted with yet another image of the men he wanted to burn from his eyes with bleach. They were naked on the floor of the morgue of all places, practicing a position Lestrade could only dream of achieving without breaking a hip, even with his good health and looks, he was not as young as he once was. He stood gaping at the men, still not really sure how to react to these situations, no matter how common they seemed to be these days, so he went for classic British and cleared his throat loudly, knowing his eyes were probably bulging and his face was probably a deep shade of red.

The only response he received was the loud groan that he assumed had issued from John, but one couldn't be sure.

"STOP!" He felt awkward having to stop them this way, but it wasn't appropriate, and they needed to learn.

"Fuck, Sherlock, I can't, fuck..." John was streaming useless nonsense and Sherlock had only barely lifted his head to acknowledge Lestrade's demand.

John screamed and Sherlock seemed content to wait until a later moment for his libido to be dealt with, Lestrade's appearance probably was a romance killer, but they had been fucking by some dead bodies, so who really knew with these men.

Lestrade looked at them both, John glassy eyed and Sherlock looking a little manic, before turning away slightly and telling them to 'get their fucking clothes on, get their acts together and be outside ready to finish the case and explain what the fuck had possessed the to go at it on the floor of the morgue,' and with that he stormed away.

Sherlock and John remained sheepish, and Sherlock was almost agreeable, for the next few hours while the case was finalised, but the quick glances they threw each other every so often clearly had a deep meaning that no one else could ever have a hope of working out. By the time they were ready to leave Lestrade had almost calmed down enough to consider letting them off but he decided he really needed to lay the ground rules with them, seeing as the gentle reminders just weren't getting through to them.

They were trying to sneak out, but Lestrade stopped them with a quiet mutter of, "I really don't think so, do you? Take a seat gentlemen, this really shouldn't take too long." He gestured toward the seats in front of his desk and waited for them to lower themselves into the chairs before looking at either of them.

"You know why, and I don't want to go into detail here, so give me the basics and I'll then remind you why it is _never _acceptable to be doing what you were both doing whilst in a morgue, and at work no less." Lestrade kept his voice even, even attempting to meet the other men's eyes a few times.

"Lestrade, we're really very sorry, and can only blame adrenaline for our foolish actions and want to give you our sincere promises it will never happen again," Sherlock said very believable, before adding, "well it may happen again, but never whilst we are working." He flashed a cheeky smile at Lestrade and reached for John's hand, ready to leave.

"Hold up, I'm prepared to let you off this one last time, but I know there's something you're not telling me, so come on, spill."

John nodded at Sherlock, giving him permission to divulge into the reasoning behind their madness.

"You see Lestrade, today John here agreed to marry me, and I'm afraid I rather got carried away when thanking him."

Lestrade had no idea what to say, and so instead sat gawping.

John and Sherlock retreated, but before leaving John smiled shyly at Lestrade and said, "Your invite will probably be in the post quite soon." After that he was dragged away by Sherlock – his fiancée.

It took Lestrade a good few minutes before he croaked out a 'congratulations' to the closed door where the men had stood.


	6. The Fitting

Thank you for sticking with me through this silly little fic! Thank you to everyone who subscribed for alerts and/or left a review, you've all really inspired me and encouraged me to write more.

This is the last chapter, but Im sure Ill have more |Sherlock fics up in the near future, let me know what you want to see and I'll do my best to make it happen.

**Please leave a review! Tell me what you think! What you want to see and anything else that pops into your head!**

* * *

><p>The wedding would be small and intimate. Well, if they could keep Sherlock's mother from interfering it would be...<p>

The first fitting for their wedding suits was today and John and Sherlock had been giddy and excitable all morning. They would be joined by Lestrade and Mycroft, who as their best men, would also be requiring suits. In their taxi John had clung on to Sherlock's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze every now and again.

When they arrived at the shop Mycroft had typically arrived before them, but they decided o hold off on getting the suits until he arrived. When he did he looked flustered and tired, but did manage to flash a convincing smile at the waiting men.

"Sorry I'm late guys, emergency at the office and all that." He apologised.

"Think nothing of it, you're here now. Shall we begin?" Sherlock wanted to get this over with so he could drag John back to their flat.

John coughed gently, smiling at Sherlock, "I was hoping to not have to admit to this, but I didn't have quite the upbringing you did Sherlock, and am afraid my bow-tying skills aren't great, so are you insisting we go with those, or could ties be considered?" John was nervous, shy in admitting this to Sherlock and Mycroft, who had probably been able to do their bow ties since before they could walk.

"Don't be ridiculous John; you know I don't wear ties. I'll help you with your bow tie, problem solved." Sherlock grinned at John, he really loved everything about the man.

"Urm, would anyone care to freshen my memory on how to tie one? It's been a while..." Lestrade hadn't wanted to tell the posh Holmes brothers he couldn't manage a simple bow tie.

"Mycroft will assist you I'm sure Lestrade." Sherlock dismissed Greg's statement, giving Mycroft a sly glance.

"Of course." Mycroft remained steely as ever in his reply, but a flash of something in his eyes made him seem just a little unsure.

"Oh, okay, thanks." Greg was nervous, he hadn't seen Mycroft for a while; he had forgotten how strange he felt around the man, even though they seemed to bond so easily.

"Right, let's get started then." John interrupted Lestrade's inner turmoil.

The men broke off and headed towards their separate changing rooms, except for Sherlock who insisted on sharing with John, though Lestrade had sighed a little and even noticed Mycroft roll his eyes a small amount.

"Very well, Sherlock. Let me know when you need me for your bow tie Lestrade." Mycroft headed away.

"Okay, thanks." Lestrade nodded a little and left for his changing room.

John glanced at Sherlock who had his eyebrow raised at him menacingly.

"Stop. Sherlock don't, we don't have time, we can't." John argued half heartedly, he didn't care all that much if he was honest.

Sherlock reached for his fiancée's hand and pulled him towards the dressing room they would share.

John paused outside of Lestrade's dressing room, not sure how to go about this.

He tapped gently on the door and called out, "Greg, are you in there? Sherlock's suit seems to have been mixed up with yours."

When he didn't receive a reply he gingerly reached for the handle and turned it, opening the door onto a sight he never expected to see, Mycroft Holmes and Greg Lestrade, in their underwear, kissing each other for all they were worth, Lestrade held in Mycroft's grip by the bow tie draped around his neck.

John gaped, not sure if this was reality, but was interrupted in his wondering how to go about addressing this – and more importantly closing his mouth – by Sherlock walking towards him, complaining about how long he was taking, but he also stops in his tracks, mouth identically open like Johns when he saw his big brother, the British government itself, kissing Lestrade.

"What are you doing?" He cried out, sounding personally offended about what was happening.

Lestrade and Mycroft split apart instantly, shock on their faces, their lips looking swollen.

"Sherlock, calm down, your brother and I... Well..." Lestrade couldn't figure out what he should say to explain and looked to Mycroft for help.

"Sherlock, John, myself and Lestrade have some very similar interests and get on very well, we are simply trying out a new element to see if we could work as a couple." Mycroft explained simply, but his slight blush gave away his discomfort with the situation.

"Urm, yeah, okay sorry, it's just, that's great but um... there was a mix up with the suits, Lestrade has Sherlock's and vice versa." John stumbled out an explanation and handed over the garment bag containing Greg's suit, and it was replaced quickly by Mycroft with the bag containing Sherlock's suit.

"Okay, come on Sherlock," John started to lead a still stunned looking Sherlock away.

When he thought they were out of earshot John muttered to Sherlock, "So when do you want to pay up? I think it was a tenner we agreed in the end wasn't it, a tenner and the loser does the dishes for a month?"

"I cannot believe it, with my deductive skills, how could you possibly have seen what was going on and I didn't?" Sherlock was outraged by his oversight.

"It's okay Sherlock we all slip up sometimes, so I expect that tenner when we get back to the flat." John was smiling to himself, enjoying the confusion on Sherlock's face that made him look incredibly young and sweet.

Sherlock smiled down at John, "Maybe I could pay you in kindness instead?" he suggested, wriggling his eyebrows menacingly.

"Hmm, we'll see. Now get in there and get your clothes off." John had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"I love you, John." Sherlock blurted out, suddenly overcome with all the emotions he was experiencing.

"As I love you, Sherlock, more with each passing heartbeat." John replied, enjoying the sentimental side of Sherlock he didn't often see.

"I'm glad we're getting married." Sherlock commented.

"Me too," John replied quickly before pulling Sherlock down for a swift kiss and dragging him towards their dressing room.


End file.
